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Time for a daily joke 4 years 5 months ago #188544

  • westaussieguy
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A team of engineers were required to measure the height of a flag pole.
They only had a measuring tape, and were getting quite frustrated trying to keep the tape along the pole, as it kept falling.
A mathematician taking his dog for a walk comes along, and asks what the problem is. He removes the pole from the ground and measures it easily.
When he leaves, one engineer says to the other: "Just like a mathematician! We need to know the height, and he gives us the length!"

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Time for a daily joke 4 years 5 months ago #188844

  • Leather Stops
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A Day at the Races.


A bloke was having a few drinks by himself at the casino when he met up with a striking but quite short and slim young woman. They got on famously and ended up in bed.

The next morning she told him she was a jockey and that if he came to the races at Ascot that day, she'd tip him the winner of each race she was riding in by giving him a sign as she rode out of the saddling paddock.

In Race 2, she rode out rubbing both her boobs. The bloke looked through the race book and found 'Two Abreast' on which he placed $100 at 5-1. It won by two lengths.

In Race 4 she rode out rubbing her fingers round her eyes. He put the lot on 'Eyeliner' at 10-1 and was then $5000 in front..

In the last race she came out standing up in the stirrups and rubbing her upper groin. He backed nothing.

After the races, he met up with her and thanked her for the winners in races 2 and 4. 'What about 'Itchy Mickey' in the sixth?', she asked. 'It paid a fortune?'
'Shit', he said, 'I thought you were telling me the favourite was scratched!'

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Time for a daily joke 4 years 5 months ago #188861

  • DD
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An Irish Gaelic footballer called Connor walks into an AFL club and asks "Can I have a game, I'm a pretty good Gaelic footballer". The AFL club Essendon says, "yeah why not".

A few years later a terrible thing happens, a terrible virus spreads around the world that originated in China. Economies all over the world are shut down, people are told to stay indoors except for essential travel. No one is even allowed to play sport.

When Connors family turn up to visit him in Australia he is really excited and says great timing, the AFL season is about to restart so you'll be able to watch me play and things are slowly opening up, we will be allowed to have crowds soon at AFL games.

Connor takes his family to a home open (non essential travel), a few days later Connor tests positive for the Corona virus and forces his whole team into self isolation, a match between Essendon and Melbourne is abandoned and the whole comp is thrown into chaos.

Sadly, this is not another Irish joke.
Get on your bike.
It was Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve.
POTUS #45 & #47

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Last edit: by DD.

Time for a daily joke 4 years 5 months ago #188897

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This is not the time to ridicule anyone who tests positive for COVID-19. You are the sick person DD. Wake up or shut up.

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Time for a daily joke 4 years 5 months ago #188900

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Leather Stops wrote: This is not the time to ridicule anyone who tests positive for COVID-19. You are the sick person DD. Wake up or shut up.


Spot on LS. Apparently now McKenna has tested negative 4 days later. You don't get over COVID in 4 days so there would have to be a question mark over the veracity of the test anyway.
Some people with egg on their faces.

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Last edit: by mikeh.

Time for a daily joke 4 years 5 months ago #188913

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mikeh wrote:

Leather Stops wrote: This is not the time to ridicule anyone who tests positive for COVID-19. You are the sick person DD. Wake up or shut up.


Spot on LS. Apparently now McKenna has tested negative 4 days later. You don't get over COVID in 4 days so there would have to be a question mark over the veracity of the test anyway.
Some people with egg on their faces.


So those medicos doing their job putting their own lives at risk have got egg on their faces going by your logic mike. Well done. Fact is Connor McKenna put his own life as well as others at risk by going to a home open in Melbourne while they are experiencing a second wave. Not to mention he was coughing his guts up, spitting and blowing snot in bucket loads out of his nostrils within a metre of his team mates.
Get on your bike.
It was Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve.
POTUS #45 & #47

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Last edit: by DD.

Time for a daily joke 4 years 5 months ago #188920

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DD wrote:

mikeh wrote:

Leather Stops wrote: This is not the time to ridicule anyone who tests positive for COVID-19. You are the sick person DD. Wake up or shut up.


Spot on LS. Apparently now McKenna has tested negative 4 days later. You don't get over COVID in 4 days so there would have to be a question mark over the veracity of the test anyway.
Some people with egg on their faces.


So those medicos doing their job putting their own lives at risk have got egg on their faces going by your logic mike. Well done. Fact is Connor McKenna put his own life as well as others at risk by going to a home open in Melbourne while they are experiencing a second wave. Not to mention he was coughing his guts up, spitting and blowing snot in bucket loads out of his nostrils within a metre of his team mates.


Nothing to do with medicos. Its all about the so called Footy experts who shoot the kid down before they know the total picture of what happened and people like you who make "jokes" about it

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Last edit: by mikeh.

Time for a daily joke 4 years 5 months ago #188943

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mikeh wrote:

DD wrote:

mikeh wrote:

Leather Stops wrote: This is not the time to ridicule anyone who tests positive for COVID-19. You are the sick person DD. Wake up or shut up.


Spot on LS. Apparently now McKenna has tested negative 4 days later. You don't get over COVID in 4 days so there would have to be a question mark over the veracity of the test anyway.
Some people with egg on their faces.


So those medicos doing their job putting their own lives at risk have got egg on their faces going by your logic mike. Well done. Fact is Connor McKenna put his own life as well as others at risk by going to a home open in Melbourne while they are experiencing a second wave. Not to mention he was coughing his guts up, spitting and blowing snot in bucket loads out of his nostrils within a metre of his team mates.


Nothing to do with medicos. Its all about the so called Footy experts who shoot the kid down before they know the total picture of what happened and people like you who make "jokes" about it

Perhaps you and Leather Pants better lighten up. Saw a female Irish reporter asked yesterday how Conor is handling it. She said he was seeing the funny side of it and taking it in his stride. Perhaps you two fun police should do the same. ??
Get on your bike.
It was Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve.
POTUS #45 & #47

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Last edit: by DD.

Time for a daily joke 4 years 5 months ago #188944

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In the blink of an eye, mike, you have gone from being a do-gooder, to merely a fun police. ;)

Keep up the good work. ?

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Time for a daily joke 4 years 5 months ago #188946

  • DD
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jackspratt wrote: In the blink of an eye, mike, you have gone from being a do-gooder, to merely a fun police. ;)

Keep up the good work. ?

Are you stalking me Jack? That is some troubling behaviour.
Get on your bike.
It was Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve.
POTUS #45 & #47

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