Sorry for the tardy reply boys....Just had to go and get my wrists stitched up at Fremantle Hospital due to an attemepted suicide. Those two reviews were that f*#king boring i slit my wrists and footygoss/ozfooty almost lost its biggest entertainer!!! No wonder this site hasn't had the fanfare of the once great Footygoss. Blokes like you two send the viewers to sleep with boring splurges about how Traper peice resembles a deep fried crinkle cut chip snapped in half or something of the like. Seriously boys, spice it up a bit otherwise the Peoples Panda is retiring his scribing licence.
Anyway, now that i have that off my chest, lets move onto Saturdays matchup. After 4 weeks of sinking tins and smoking cigarettes in the Pilbara, King Panda couldnt get on the track on Tuesday night due to an appointment with two young lasses who were eager to see my Orgasm Face. Although i didnt get to work on my Football skills, it still provided me with enough of a work out to blow the cobbies out so to speak. I trained Thursday night in front of a 2000 strong crowd mainly consisting of women in which yours truly rolled around at 100% DE for the night and if i do say so myself, looking a million bucks.
After a quiet night on Friday watching the scum get dismantled by a disinterested Hawthorn, the King of the bears called into his favourite barista for a double shot coffee on his way to Rams Stadium. Upon arrival it was pointed out to me that the Wanneroo boys had been camping out at the oval overnight. A bit strange but an obvious showing of their commitment to get the job done! Unfortunately, they werent aware of the beast they were to face......
The twos battle started with the Roos winning the toss and kicking with the slight 1-2 goal breeze in the first. Said breeze did nothing for Roo Roo Roo wanneroooooo roo roo roo wanneroo roo roo as the Rams put on a clinical display of twos footy to go into the first change a goal in front. The Panda had the ball on a string in the first quarter, having 13 disposals and 2 score assists off a HFF, even with the close checking of a defender that reminded me of a chook.......... with no head.
The second was one way traffic with the Rams piling on 7 or 8 snags including the goal of the Century from yours truly from 50m out and that close to the boundary that a policeman tried to fine me for J walking on Stock Road while i was celebrating. The Rams went into the long break with a commanding 8 goal lead but the crowd favourite received a corky in the hip late in the half which would restrict his elite running capacity and render him useless in the second half. After the break there was more of the same from the first half with the Rams doing as they pleased, including breaking down the short kicking in of the Wanneroo defenders from behinds and converting a number of 7 point plays. The reserves juganaught rolled on to a 10 or 11 goal win in what Ross Lyon would described as a solid 4 quarter effort in which the players brought great effort. The King Panda finished with 24 disposals at 96% DE 2 goals 1. Must of been a fun day for Number 8 who got the best seat in the house while he followed me around all day.
The beers were delicious and it was good to see a few of the Roo lads upstairs for a beer after such a shallacking. Thumbs up......Do pandas have thumbs?
The senior game was crazy as the boys above have stated. Lots of goals towards the Kitchener Street end and lots of points while kicking towards Stock Road. Fair to say the Rams threw away a prime opportunity to knock of the undefeated Roos with some relatively easy misses in the last quarter. The superior fitness of Wanneroo showed through in the last with a barnstorming finish. Unfortunately i didnt get to catch to much of the game as i was servicing the single Ramettes in the change rooms one by one. My final count was 11 lucky lass' got to feel the girth of the Panda Piece........Only 7 off my daily record.
6 things we learnt from Saturday....
1. Wanneroo definitely need to employ a hairdresser at the club. The mullet is well and truly out of fashion in 2013, please do something about this before the finals.
2. If the Rams can get their sh!t together and make the 5 they will trouble a few teams in the finals
3. There would have been some sore ladies on Sunday morning if my piece is anything to go by. Lucky im heading back up north for four weeks as i have no skin left on it.
4. Wanneroo AFC should refund Number 8's registration money for making him play on me for 3 quarters. No one should be subject to such humility when all he wants to do is play footy with his mates. He didnt get one possession on the weekend as he spent an hour and a half with his back to the play staring at me (good looking rooster i am).
5. Wanneroo are the worst 10-0 side in the history of Amateur footy and wont win the GF.
6. Number 14 effectively drew a target on his back with his comments to the female crowd members as he walked off the ground. Hopefully for his sake The Roos and The Rams dont square off again.
All in all it was a good days footy. Full credit to the Roo boys in the late game. They sustained the better footy for longer and reaped the rewards.
Thats it for another 4 weeks but rest assured the King of bears is in discussions with his employer to get the whole finals series off work. This means finals crowds will go through the roof, ill need a few pairs of boots as ill wear the leather of the top of them while racking up possessions at will, the nightclub scene will be like a chop shop for 4 weeks and as Warrick Capper was talking about on Open Mike, i will be offering a "stay with the stars" package for the 4 weeks im back in which you can pay $5000 to stay with a star.....Me....... And basically life the life of the Panda for a week? Get in early, the phone is ringing off the hook.
PANDA OUT
