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I thought the Ozfooty resident cabbie might like this.

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time.
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was really something special."
Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything right every single time.”
Passenger: "Wow, what a guy!"
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good.
He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too.
He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."
Passenger: "How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his wife."

Well thanks sharkie but I didn't die, I just retired. Haha 

Good joke though, would need to be shortened and I reckon a good one to tell a pretty woman.

Good one. It is good to see people whom possess a sense of humor.

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A Horse and a chicken were walking around on the farm when they walked into some wetlands and the horse got stuck in the mud - The horse started to sink.

Being a quick thinker the chicken ran up to the farmers house, but the farmer wasn't there.

The chicken grabbed the famers Ferrari, raced to the barn grabbed some rope and went back to the horse. The chicken tied the rope around the horse and freed him.

About a week later on their walk this time the chicken got stuck, it turned to the horse and said quick go and grab the rope and car and rescue me.

The horse said no way ate i have a better idea and stood over the mud with a leg in each corner. It then proceeded to lower itself and told the chicken "Just grab my dick and ill pull you out."

So, the morale of this story is simply, if you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Ferrari to pick up chicks.