TOPIC:

A drunk walks into a bar and says, " Ahhh, gimme a gim and tomic." The barman said, "Your drunk - get out!" The drunk walked out, staggered around the block, came back in and walked up to the bar and said, "Give me a gim and tomic please". The barman replies, "Your drunk - get out!" Again the drunk walked out of the bar, walks round the block, back in again, up to the bar and said, "Gimme a gim and tomic." Again the barman says, "Your drunk - get out!" And the drunk said, "Just a cotten pickin' minute! Do you own all the pubs in this town?"

I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
'This is the 21st century, old man,' he said. 'We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad.'
I can tell you, that bloody fly never knew what hit it